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" I've never wanted to be a person where somebody would be like, 'I like her; she's okay.' Love or hate is fine, because it sells tickets. "

Lisa Lampanelli

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" Comedy is like music - there are genres and styles for every taste. Katy Perry is there for people who like frothy pop music. Metallica is there for people who like head-banging metal. And Susan Boyle is there for... well, I don't who the hell is listening to that freak of nature, but that's not the point. In art, there's something for everybody. "

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" William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever. "

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" Insult comedy has been around forever. I can make fun of people, and they won't get mad at me. "

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" I honestly feel like 99 percent of people have some kind of self-hate about their looks, and if I can joke about mine, maybe they can feel better about theirs. "

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" The more conservative you dress, the more you can get away with. "

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" The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun. "

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" I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever. "

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" Basically, I think some of the weight helped take some of the walls down in reality, so basically I got a little more confident. I'm definitely not super confident, but I am confident that I don't have to hide behind those layers of fat and that I can actually open up to people a little more. "

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" With Don Rickles and me, we're just telling the truth. We're not terrific people, and we're not gonna win the beauty contest. We're just average Joes. We're just being who we are, and I think people like that. "

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" I do a big roast of Trump during my set now - which I clearly expanded on - because there's so much to make fun of him about now. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm not a private person. I like hanging out and talking to fans. But my life isn't so interesting that you want to see the inside of it. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I lasted seven years as a journalist, and I've been doing comedy for twenty years. "

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" Too many people have already lost their lives to HIV and AIDS, and the more celebrities who can bring attention to the issue, the better. "

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" You have to really be on your own side. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I kind of knew inside that I wanted to try comedy, but it was a mystery. How do you start? So when I hit 30 and I had done everything I wanted to do in journalism, so I went to a comedy class. I figured I'd learn how to do five minutes and see how it feels. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there? "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I have rage and anger issues. So I get mad about stuff in real life, and then I yell about it onstage, and luckily, something funny ends up coming out. What I'll do is tape-record it, and it will end up coming out even funnier. And I add more punch lines. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" What we do as comics can be a service to people. It can make them laugh and take their mind off their problems for a few minutes. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Donald is very happy with his lovely wife, insert name here. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" This thing happened where I noticed anytime I got together with four friends or more, the conversation goes to food. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm a take-no-prisoners type of comic, and I'm lucky because my fans get me and never have a problem with the politically incorrect themes of my act. But I am continually amazed by how a certain section of our society seems to be so freakin' sensitive about jokes. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I always wrote about myself in the third person. I knew how to promote myself so it sounded intelligent. I know how to package myself. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Interesting-looking people have always been comedians, and it's rare that someone who has the choice to model ends up being a comic. Except for maybe Whitney Cummings, but that's about it. That's why she's special: because she can combine it. "

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" I'm not saying the N word anymore. "

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" Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump. "

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" Make a list of the people in your 'choir'... If you're not on your own list, then you're doing something wrong. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying my own houses and cars, so I knew how to negotiate. "

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" I have a shrink in New York and a shrink in Arizona, just in case. You never know when you will have a breakdown. "

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