Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" I know Bea Arthur left the Pam Anderson roast really early, but it could have been because she was half dead; I don't know. "

Lisa Lampanelli

Related Quotes:

" By being politically correct, you're closing your mind to a different point of view. Which sounds a lot like prejudice. Which is definitely not politically correct. See what I just did there? "

Lisa Lampanelli

" William Shatner is living proof that if you are talented and nice, you can work in this industry forever. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" You have to really be on your own side. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I always wrote about myself in the third person. I knew how to promote myself so it sounded intelligent. I know how to package myself. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" The only reason I was allowed to have a career for a quarter century as an insult comic is because it's all in jest and all for fun. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I feel that if I retire today, I've done enough. I've achieved everything in comedy... I feel I don't need anything else. It's already built. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I didn't feel ready to leave home, because it went from no freedom to all freedom. And I was like, 'Oh, my God, I don't know what I'm doing in college.' There seemed to be no like-minded people where I was... I didn't have a clan. I didn't have a choir... There was no safety net. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I gained weight, and that started a 32-year struggle with weight and exercise and body image problems. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" When you're dealing with a sick person, you're not important at all. You're just a nobody. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Don't laugh at a hair joke, Trump. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Howard Stern gave me the best advice about Twitter and the N word. He said maybe onstage people get the intention behind the joke, but a tweet is 140 characters or less, and maybe that's why people overreact. I don't need to rustle any more feathers and lose any investors. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm not gonna ruin my reputation with the blacks no more. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I remember, after the Pamela Anderson roast, being told, 'You're sold out - you can add two more shows.' "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Shortly after college, I was working in New York City at 'Rolling Stone' magazine. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I think people were just seriously happy to find a funny woman who does comedy like a man. Because I learned how to do comedy from guys, from watching those Dean Martin roasts years ago. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" A roast is really an honor. If they picked me to be roasted, I'd be the most flattered I'd be in my life. If I could pick some people to roast, I'd pick my heroes, Don Rickles and Howard Stern. Those are the people I'd like to give some honor to. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I kind of knew inside that I wanted to try comedy, but it was a mystery. How do you start? So when I hit 30 and I had done everything I wanted to do in journalism, so I went to a comedy class. I figured I'd learn how to do five minutes and see how it feels. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" The thing is, in the dating profiles it says 'spiritual,' but not with a specific religion. And so I pretty much try to meditate, but I have a very hard time concentrating on things other than me. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Betty White is so old that on her first game show ever, the prize was fire. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm way too famous and rich to be on a dating app, but if I get very desperate by the time I'm 60, I'll go on Tinder. Or I'll go on 'Millionaire Matchmaker'; I'll call Patti Stanger. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm always proud of what I've done and what I continue to do. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Nobody escapes during Lisa Lampanelli's show. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" Interesting-looking people have always been comedians, and it's rare that someone who has the choice to model ends up being a comic. Except for maybe Whitney Cummings, but that's about it. That's why she's special: because she can combine it. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I would make a few jabs at myself and go for the audience - they are still as flawed as ever. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" I'm not ready to die yet. I have, like, 40 years left that I have to make up for all of the trouble I caused in my first 50 years. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" We usually let our husbands negotiate the house and the cars. But I never had a husband, so I was always buying my own houses and cars, so I knew how to negotiate. "

Lisa Lampanelli

" By Hollywood standards I'm still fat: until you are zero, you are big. I do get cold a lot now. I used to have a lot of layers - now I got to get a fur coat. "

Lisa Lampanelli