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" I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family. "

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" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing. "

" I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me. "

" I'm shy. I am. I mean, if I get around, you know, in a room of a bunch of people especially I - you know, I don't know or - it takes me a while to warm up. I'm - and the real me, I'm not as witty as, you know, as the comic Wanda. The comic, she's had time to work on some things. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. "

" My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do. "

" I watched a lot of comedy growing up. "

" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" I'm here today because I hated everything else. "

" I'm a stand-up comic. I'm always doing dates; it's just that, if I'm working on a project or I'm busy, I can't get out on the road or book any shows. Since the beginning of my career, I'm usually out for at least 10-15 dates throughout the year. If I have time, then I try to get at least 30-40 dates. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real. "

" If I'm talking about something current, a current issue or something political, it's because I was able to read it when I was on the plane getting to the gig... a lot of it happens when I'm on the road because when I'm home, you're just mom, and that's it. "

" In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression. "

" Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do. "

" I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig. "

" I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom. "

" I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all. "

" I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary. "

" It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "

" I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am. "

" It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are. "