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" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

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" Men are dogs. Men are dogs. We got to stop it. Men are not dogs. Uh-uh. Dogs are loyal. "

" If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it. "

" I have a sidekick, Keith Robinson, who's very funny. I've known Keith for over 20 years; he's my best friend. "

" If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. "

" When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots. "

" My shows and my material are grounded in reality. It's pretty much something that's either happened in my life or in the news, and I start there and give you my take on it. "

" Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science. "

" I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of knocking over stuff. Every time I eat, 'Oh, Lord'. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go. My back was sore, so it was time to have a reduction. "

" It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes. "

" I'm a stand-up comic. I'm always doing dates; it's just that, if I'm working on a project or I'm busy, I can't get out on the road or book any shows. Since the beginning of my career, I'm usually out for at least 10-15 dates throughout the year. If I have time, then I try to get at least 30-40 dates. "

" I'm a huge Sia fan. I love Sia, I have just about all of her stuff. "

" It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike. "

" My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on. "

" I watched a lot of comedy growing up. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" I'm really funny now. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "

" I'm here today because I hated everything else. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me. "

" I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary. "

" It wasn't until after the reduction that in the lab work, the pathology, that they found that I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my left breast. I was very, very lucky because DCIS is basically stage-zero cancer. So I was very lucky. "

" I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "

" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

" I love working with other actors and other people - you know, stand-up - it's lonely; it's just you out there and the audience. But it's fun working with other actors. I love doing that, too. "

" The government shouldn't be involved in this because it's very simple. If you don't believe in same-sex marriage, then don't marry somebody of the same sex. "

" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "