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" I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom. "

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" Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal. "

" People are going to label you anyway, but the one that bugs me the most is when they say, 'One of the funniest female comedians.' There's s no 'funniest male comedians.' You're either a funny comedian, or you're not! "

" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

" I love working with other actors and other people - you know, stand-up - it's lonely; it's just you out there and the audience. But it's fun working with other actors. I love doing that, too. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh. "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "

" I was working at the NSA. I don't know, I was just bored. I just knew that's not what I was supposed to be doing with my life. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" I enjoy stand-up because it has the biggest reward: instant gratification. You can hear the people laughing. "

" If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you. "

" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

" I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of knocking over stuff. Every time I eat, 'Oh, Lord'. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go. My back was sore, so it was time to have a reduction. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" I'm a huge Sia fan. I love Sia, I have just about all of her stuff. "

" I'm finally just relaxed and comfortable with who I am. "

" I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. "

" There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig. "

" Stand-up, by far, is my favorite. "

" Men don't hear women. "

" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

" I'm here today because I hated everything else. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family. "

" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "

" If I'm talking about something current, a current issue or something political, it's because I was able to read it when I was on the plane getting to the gig... a lot of it happens when I'm on the road because when I'm home, you're just mom, and that's it. "

" I'm really funny now. "