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" I love to meet my fans, and after every show I usually hang out for a few hours, talking to my fans, signing autographs, and selling T-shirts. "

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" You know, I left the country when Reagan got in; I went to France. "

" The GRAMMY was a huge deal. It's the height of any musical career. "

" The Shades never recorded anything, Little Daddy and the Bachelors recorded a couple of records, ya. "

" The smartest billionaires I know never finished high school. I got my degree and my doctorate on the street and an advanced degree in jail. "

" Well I don't know, I might have lost my citizenship, I don't think you can lose your citizenship though. "

" Any excuse to live in New York and do art. Has to be one of the most rewarding experiences in the world. "

" A lot of prophets have gone to jail. "

" You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. "

" They just wanted to show the entertainment world that we're vulnerable. "

" Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. "

" I used to joke for years that I was a black man. I adopted the black culture, the black race. I married a black woman, and I had black kids. I always considered myself a 'brother.' "

" Activism, to me, I don't know if it really works. It may work for somebody else, but it does not work for me. "

" If I don't get paid I'm going to take a whole lot of Marshall amps home with me on the plane. "

" Once you're a felon you're a target. "

" When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian. "

" No. Maceo played sax, didn't he, well they used to sit in. "

" I was more of a weightlifter. "

" I know, because I tried all sorts of ways of being in character, and the best way is to be totally straight. "

" Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they do it. "

" Religion is run by thought police. 'Obey. Listen. This is what you do. Don't ask questions. Go die for your country.' The spirituality says, 'Okay, you can die for your country, but know what you're doing while you're doing it.' "

" To be in a situation where you have no rights whatsoever is something I wish everybody could experience. People's attitudes would change. It would be a better place. "

" The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. "

" We won a contest at the teen fair in Vancouver and the first prize was a recording contract and we recorded at a radio station on the stairway, and we did a record and it got put out. "

" I know the musical world as well as I know the comedy world. "

" I've been a good boy, I've never really been convicted of serious crime. "

" I've always been into improvisation. "

" People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh. "

" Awakening your spiritual side is really what artists do. When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. "

" Music has always been a big part of Cheech & Chong's career, so it's just natural. You know, I was a musician before I met Cheech and had a record with Motown, and so I've got the cred. "

" I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. "