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" I've always been into improvisation. "

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" I'm a hybrid. "

" I know the musical world as well as I know the comedy world. "

" Life, especially in America, is ruled by corporations. "

" I never did smoke that much pot; never was a big pothead. "

" You can't become a dictator through checks and balances. "

" I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. "

" Well, I started out as a musician, so when I was about 10 years old, I was already in a band. "

" One night all the James Brown band was playing on stage and I look in the back and I could see Mick Jagger and Keith Richards trying to get in the club and they couldn't get in cause it was to crowded. "

" Music has always been a big part of Cheech & Chong's career, so it's just natural. You know, I was a musician before I met Cheech and had a record with Motown, and so I've got the cred. "

" Awakening your spiritual side is really what artists do. When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. "

" I've been a good boy, I've never really been convicted of serious crime. "

" They just wanted to show the entertainment world that we're vulnerable. "

" We won a contest at the teen fair in Vancouver and the first prize was a recording contract and we recorded at a radio station on the stairway, and we did a record and it got put out. "

" When they put me in jail, that's when they turned me into an activist. Up until the time I went to jail, I was just a comedian. "

" I used to joke for years that I was a black man. I adopted the black culture, the black race. I married a black woman, and I had black kids. I always considered myself a 'brother.' "

" My incarceration was actually a positive thing from the beginning. I needed a gimmick to get my act going again, it gave me material. "

" The GRAMMY was a huge deal. It's the height of any musical career. "

" If I don't get paid I'm going to take a whole lot of Marshall amps home with me on the plane. "

" To be in a situation where you have no rights whatsoever is something I wish everybody could experience. People's attitudes would change. It would be a better place. "

" Everything that happens to me is very cosmic. "

" When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. The spirits whisper the ideas in your brain and prod you along. They're the ones that are really happy. "

" People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh. "

" The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we've brought more families together than Dr. Phil. "

" Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. "

" But you can't exercise and be high. It's impossible. "

" I'm as clean as a whistle. "

" What made me a comedian was that I wasn't really a songwriter, I was more of a poet. "

" The smartest billionaires I know never finished high school. I got my degree and my doctorate on the street and an advanced degree in jail. "

" The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. "

" You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. "