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" You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. "

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" One night all the James Brown band was playing on stage and I look in the back and I could see Mick Jagger and Keith Richards trying to get in the club and they couldn't get in cause it was to crowded. "

Tommy Chong

See

Night

Trying

" The thing is about Cheech & Chong, we've brought more families together than Dr. Phil. "

" People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh. "

" You know, I left the country when Reagan got in; I went to France. "

" The trouble when you're doing something illegal is that you know what you're doing. You're lying to your parents, you're lying to your kids. The only person you can't lie to is yourself. "

" Everything that happens to me is very cosmic. "

Tommy Chong

Cosmic

Happens

" No. Maceo played sax, didn't he, well they used to sit in. "

" Comedy is the ultimate truth. Jazz is hitting the notes that that no one else would hit, and comedy is saying words that no one else would say. "

" When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. The spirits whisper the ideas in your brain and prod you along. They're the ones that are really happy. "

" I was about sixteen when I discovered that music could get you laid, so I got into music boy, didn't matter what you looked like either, you could be a geeky looking guy but if you played music, whoa, you'd get the girls. "

" What made me a comedian was that I wasn't really a songwriter, I was more of a poet. "

Tommy Chong

Poet

" Well I don't know, I might have lost my citizenship, I don't think you can lose your citizenship though. "

" Well, I had an after hours club in Vancouver and when any of the Motown acts would call. "

" I know, because I tried all sorts of ways of being in character, and the best way is to be totally straight. "

" Any excuse to live in New York and do art. Has to be one of the most rewarding experiences in the world. "

" Jail was probably the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. "

" My incarceration was actually a positive thing from the beginning. I needed a gimmick to get my act going again, it gave me material. "

Tommy Chong

Beginning

Positive

" I was more of a weightlifter. "

Tommy Chong

" There's a hierarchy in prison, and I was right at the top. "

" I've been a good boy, I've never really been convicted of serious crime. "

" Maybe once in a while, you know, after a hard day of shooting or something like that, I'd kick back. "

" You can't become a dictator through checks and balances. "

" Life, especially in America, is ruled by corporations. "

" The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. "

Tommy Chong

Thing

Got

" I'm as clean as a whistle. "

Tommy Chong

Clean

Whistle

" We won a contest at the teen fair in Vancouver and the first prize was a recording contract and we recorded at a radio station on the stairway, and we did a record and it got put out. "

" I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. "

" The Shades never recorded anything, Little Daddy and the Bachelors recorded a couple of records, ya. "

" Activism, to me, I don't know if it really works. It may work for somebody else, but it does not work for me. "