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" I was more of a weightlifter. "

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" Maybe once in a while, you know, after a hard day of shooting or something like that, I'd kick back. "

" You know, I left the country when Reagan got in; I went to France. "

" Music has always been a big part of Cheech & Chong's career, so it's just natural. You know, I was a musician before I met Cheech and had a record with Motown, and so I've got the cred. "

" Religion is run by thought police. 'Obey. Listen. This is what you do. Don't ask questions. Go die for your country.' The spirituality says, 'Okay, you can die for your country, but know what you're doing while you're doing it.' "

" I've always been into improvisation. "

" Everything that happens to me is very cosmic. "

" Every time I get tested, I ask questions about it, and I watch how they do it. "

" I know, because I tried all sorts of ways of being in character, and the best way is to be totally straight. "

" I've met a lot of jazz musicians in my day, and they're all funny. "

" I'm just glad I can make a difference in someone's life. "

Make A Difference

" No. Maceo played sax, didn't he, well they used to sit in. "

" What made me a comedian was that I wasn't really a songwriter, I was more of a poet. "

" If I don't get paid I'm going to take a whole lot of Marshall amps home with me on the plane. "

" Cheech and I used to call ourselves musicians; we never called ourselves comedians. We were musicians that were funny. "

" But you can't exercise and be high. It's impossible. "

" They just wanted to show the entertainment world that we're vulnerable. "

" The trouble when you're doing something illegal is that you know what you're doing. You're lying to your parents, you're lying to your kids. The only person you can't lie to is yourself. "

" The Shades never recorded anything, Little Daddy and the Bachelors recorded a couple of records, ya. "

" I love to meet my fans, and after every show I usually hang out for a few hours, talking to my fans, signing autographs, and selling T-shirts. "

" You look at Cheney, Rumsfeld, Karl Rove, and Bush - if you saw them on Halloween, they wouldn't need a costume. You'd give them a treat and compliment them on what great-looking demons they were. They are demons. There's no doubt about it. "

" I know the musical world as well as I know the comedy world. "

" When you hit a groove, it's not you; it's the spirit world. The spirits whisper the ideas in your brain and prod you along. They're the ones that are really happy. "

" Unfortunately, the American justice system is just riddled with lies and inconsistencies. "

" I'm a hybrid. "

" Once you're a felon you're a target. "

" People try to put ownership on things: 'That's mine, that's my joke.' No such thing. Like if you tripped or stumbled and people go, 'Oh, that's Charlie Chaplin.' You know what I mean? You can't own a joke. You can be the guy that tells it the best, but you can't own a joke. Nowhere can you own a laugh. "

" One night all the James Brown band was playing on stage and I look in the back and I could see Mick Jagger and Keith Richards trying to get in the club and they couldn't get in cause it was to crowded. "

" I'm as clean as a whistle. "

" The way jazz works is that we take a theme, and then we write using the same structure, same chord changes, and then we can do different tunes. "

" I was about sixteen when I discovered that music could get you laid, so I got into music boy, didn't matter what you looked like either, you could be a geeky looking guy but if you played music, whoa, you'd get the girls. "