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" Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party. "

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" I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them. "

" Having a soft major is nowhere near the career death sentence that so many make it out to be. The world is changing, and the U.S. economy with it. Our economy is shifting to a service- and information-based economy, and soft majors are already becoming more and more valuable. "

" My parents got divorced when I was around a year old. My dad was essentially a nonentity in my life until I got to be about 16 or so. My mom was a flight attendant for PanAm, so I moved all over the world. London, Rio de Janeiro. "

" Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art. "

" If you like to argue just for the sake of being contentious, you shouldn't pick a job based on this unresolved emotional issue of yours, you should get counseling for it. "

" I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other. "

" If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma. "

" I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me. "

" Look at the scope of writers who sell stuff. I'm at the very top of the power curve in terms of sales. "

" The haters always scream the loudest. "

" I'm a decent-looking guy, but I've never walked into a room and got a girl because of how I looked. Look, I'm never excluded because of my looks. I just don't stand out. "

" Women always want the guy that other women want. "

" I've never really had a media edifice supporting me. "

" I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore. "

" I always laugh when people call me a misogynist. I... love women! Everything I do is to impress women. And if I hated women, why would half my fans be women? "

" I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there. "

" No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog. "

" Think about it: If you don't have any actual, tangible skills, then how can you do anything? You may be laughing and nodding, but do you realize how few people, when asked the basic question, 'What can you do?' stumble on the answer and have nothing to say? Most people. "

" I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures. "

" Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another. "

" I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester. "

" It is hard for me to be vulnerable, because I never learned how to do that. I was never vulnerable in a safe way. "

" No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff. "

" At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now. "

" There is no number or level of success that would make me think, 'Wow, I didn't think that was possible.' "

" Books are so cheap and easy to get that people don't bother stealing them, which is the essential rule of piracy that the music business learned much too late. "

" I started my blog in 2002. That was pre-MySpace, pre-Facebook. That was back before newspapers realized they were going out of business. That was back when no one gave any credence to Internet writers. "

" When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled. "

" I'm never going to be Tolstoy. "

" When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials. "