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" I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal. "

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" There's a show in America where all these people compete with ferrets, and they don't even do anything. They basically just hold them up, and if they don't bite you, they might win. "

" I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance. "

" With film roles, it just has to be a character either I haven't done before, or a role with somebody really interesting or with an interesting person or group of people. "

" Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. "

" The idea of Juilliard was that it would give you this toolbox full of skills that you could take with you and apply to anything. "

" In America they really do mythologise people when they die. "

" I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people. "

" Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!' "

" I enjoy performing for heavily armed people. It's easier than going to Georgia. "

" I'm much more open to being a supporting actor right now. At the age of 60, I'll be second fiddle. Fine. I'm happy to do it. "

" Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party. "

" If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing. "

" When I went home from Juilliard, I couldn't find acting work. "

" One of my favourite actors of all time, although he doesn't necessarily play villains, is Peter Lorre. "

" In 'The Secret Agent,' it's basically a character that was admired by Theodore Kaczynski, which is some fan mail you don't really want to open. This is a man who is a chemist and who specializes in making bombs and despises humanity. "

" It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work. "

" If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number? "

" A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. "

" Comedy is acting out optimism. "

" I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. "

" Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person. "

" Performing comedy in San Francisco to begin with is pretty wild. You've got to - you've got the human game preserve to play off of. And it's a lot of great characters everywhere. You work off that, and then you play the rooms, and eventually you get to a point where you're playing a club that is a comedy club, with other comics. "

" A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. "

" The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. "

" My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive - the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns. If you said anything contrary to her, you were basically exiled. "

" Reality: What a concept! "

" The idea of having a steady job is appealing. "

" When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?' "

" Carpe per diem - seize the check. "

" Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly. "