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" In America they really do mythologise people when they die. "

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" It's hard when you read an article saying bad things about you. It is as if someone is sticking a knife on your heart. But I am the harshest critic of my work. "

" I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience. "

" Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work! "

" We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. "

" When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side. "

" The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery. "

Second Amendment

" Reality: What a concept! "

" Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose. "

" You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous. "

" My style is bad white-boy dancing. I can do swing a little bit, but nothing beyond that. My solo dancing is sad. I use my arms, badly. "

" You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand. "

" I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal. "

" Sometimes you have to make a movie to make money. "

" A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. "

" I loved school, maybe too much, really. I was summa cum laude in high school. I was driven that way. "

" Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person. "

" I've had a lot of people tell me they watched 'Old Dogs' with their kids and had a good time. "

" A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. "

" No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. "

Change The World

" I think 'Dead Poets' was probably my favorite, just to get started with the idea of doing a movie that people treated as more than a movie. "

" I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more precious; it's kind of amazing. "

" With film roles, it just has to be a character either I haven't done before, or a role with somebody really interesting or with an interesting person or group of people. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" Winning an Oscar is an honor, but, between you and me, it does not makes things easier. "

" The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. "

" I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of Zelda' at the time, and it was addicting, and I was playing it for hours and hours and hours. "

" I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, 'My boy's got learnin'!' "

" The improv, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running. "

" Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. "

" In the process of looking for comedy, you have to be deeply honest. And in doing that, you'll find out here's the other side. You'll be looking under the rock occasionally for the laughter. "