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" Reality: What a concept! "

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" Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet. "

" When I went home from Juilliard, I couldn't find acting work. "

" Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work! "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

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" Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!' "

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" The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery. "

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" A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. "

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" I only ever play Vegas one night at a time. It's a hideous, gaudy place; it may not be the end of the world per se, but you can certainly see it from there. "

" Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason. "

" I enjoy performing for heavily armed people. It's easier than going to Georgia. "

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" What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. "

" I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more precious; it's kind of amazing. "

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" The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke, that you don't really have it. You've lost the muse or - the worst dread - you never had it at all. I went through all that madness early on. "

" In 'The Secret Agent,' it's basically a character that was admired by Theodore Kaczynski, which is some fan mail you don't really want to open. This is a man who is a chemist and who specializes in making bombs and despises humanity. "

" I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, 'My boy's got learnin'!' "

" Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. "

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

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" Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something that was worth it. "

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" Winning an Oscar is an honor, but, between you and me, it does not makes things easier. "

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