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" I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did. "

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" Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer. "

" I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures. "

" The point of psychoanalysis is to really understand the roots of your behavior. Understand why you are doing the things you're doing - and connect your unconscious to your conscious. "

" My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about. "

" No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff. "

" Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much. "

" When I give speeches at college, I don't tell stories, I talk about what it is to live your dreams and take the path less traveled. "

" You know, even big-time academics kind of have groupies. Anyone with any sort of fame. So, like, in your micro-world, or in your niche, you're kind of like a celebrity. "

" I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy. "

" If your parents ignored you, or if they are just not emotionally available, or if they yell a lot, that is a type of trauma. "

" The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't. "

" Women always want the guy that other women want. "

" I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester. "

" I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me. "

" The narcissist act is not an act. I actually am a narcissist, very much so. My world revolves around me. "

" Obviously, I love Japanese food. My favorite TV show of all time, without exception, is 'Iron Chef.' Not the stupid American version; 'Iron Chef' Japanese; the real one, the one that was on in Japan... my DVR for years was set to record almost every single 'Iron Chef' episode. "

" There is no number or level of success that would make me think, 'Wow, I didn't think that was possible.' "

" The haters always scream the loudest. "

" I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there. "

" Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse. "

" I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore. "

" Calling one thing 'literature' and another 'fiction' is a way to create status where there is none. "

" I'm a decent-looking guy, but I've never walked into a room and got a girl because of how I looked. Look, I'm never excluded because of my looks. I just don't stand out. "

" Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party. "

" I don't even pursue girls anymore. I mean, I could obviously still pursue girls. It's not like I can't. But I don't have to pursue girls anymore. Girls come to me. "

" I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other. "

" A personal brand is relevant to people who sell or create something relevant to who they are as a person. If you're not in that boat, which most people are not, personal branding makes no sense. "

" I started my blog in 2002. That was pre-MySpace, pre-Facebook. That was back before newspapers realized they were going out of business. That was back when no one gave any credence to Internet writers. "

" I always laugh when people call me a misogynist. I... love women! Everything I do is to impress women. And if I hated women, why would half my fans be women? "

" If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail. "