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" If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. "

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" Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. "

" Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use. "

" We are all in this together, by ourselves. "

" I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. "

" Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. "

" Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. "

" Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic? "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. "

" If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed. "

" I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain. "

" Remember we're all in this alone. "

" I mean yes to act out something or take chances in the performance is one thing. But in terms of a camera, whatever's captured is captured so that's a little more daunting. "

" It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. "

" I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. "

" Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. "

" Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. "

" We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. "

" Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? "

" We're all in this alone. "

" I've always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. "

" You don't really need to get married, but marriage is awfully nice. Everybody I know who got married, they say it really makes a difference. They feel very, very happy about it. "

" There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. "

" I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. "

" Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. "

" Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. "

" If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? "

" But there are too many people that make so much money at the cost of lives of other humans and for no reason but to make the money. "

" What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. "

" I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. "