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" I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody. "

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" Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. "

" We are all in this together, by ourselves. "

" I was always drawn to more the social-expression-of-culture types. "

" Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. "

" There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. "

" What I appreciate is acknowledging to the audience that I think they have brains. "

" We're all in this alone. "

" I never officially came out in any kind of really public way. I just always lived very simply and openly, but the press has never made a big fuss about me or said anything to me. "

" I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. "

" I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else. "

" If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? "

" What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch. "

" If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less. "

" Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing. "

" Many times I sit back and say, 'I can't believe that this is my life!' Other times, I feel self-satisfied. I mean, there's a lot to be proud and thankful for but, nonetheless, it's just a life! "

" The road to success is always under construction. "

" Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. "

" What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring. "

" I think my politics are just inclined to be empathetic and humanistic. I grew up with so many different kinds of people with different politics, different religion, no religion, no politics, education, no education, and I was infatuated with all of them. "

" If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed. "

" Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? "

" I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. "

" No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up. "

" If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? "

" It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain. "

" We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company. "

" You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all. "

" Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it. "

" I grew up in a time when women didn't really do comedy. You had to be homely, overweight, an old maid, all that. You had to play a stereotype, because very attractive women were not supposed to be funny - because it's powerful; it's a threat. "

" Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination. "