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" Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like! "

Spike Milligan

Insecurity

Change

Remember

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" I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence. "

" As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness. "

" My parents always threw everything out, gave everything away. I'm surprised they never threw me away. That's why I've always kept my children's things. My parents had no feelings for belongings. "

" The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over. "

" The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it. "

Spike Milligan

Trying

Dinner

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. "

Spike Milligan

You

Money

" Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. "

" One important thing I recall about India was that it was quiet. It was never noisy in the way that life was noisy in London. "

" The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.' "

" I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. "

" Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. "

" I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. "

" Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. "

" Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too. "

" I can't stand being late. I try to be professional. I try not to let people down. But people let me down. That's why I don't rely on anyone to call me. That's why I have clocks as well as people. I have to be able to call myself; it's the only way to be sure. "

" I'm a hero with coward's legs. "

" I remember lying out in my bed and looking at the vast, quiet sky. Right up above my head, there were three stars in a row, and I remember thinking, 'Well, I'll have those three stars all my life, and wherever I am, they will be. They are my stars, and they belong to me.' "

Spike Milligan

Stars

Life

" Unbeknown to me, my manager, under my very nose (in a crouching position) has all these years been secretly compiling a book from my correspondence. I often wondered what she was doing in my office. She never did a stroke of work for me. All the time, I have been working for her. "

Spike Milligan

She

Doing

" All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. "

Spike Milligan

Happy

Ask

" We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. "

" My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. "

" I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. "

" I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. "

" Things began to improve when I went to Rangoon. To begin with, my father was promoted, which meant he was at home more. The matriarchal society was ended, and for the first time, I went to a boys' school. "

" It's all in the mind, you know. "

" I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state. "

" When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. "

" May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots. "