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" I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state. "

Spike Milligan

Think

Depression

Challenge

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" We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. "

" It's all in the mind, you know. "

" The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over. "

" I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. "

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots. "

" Unbeknown to me, my manager, under my very nose (in a crouching position) has all these years been secretly compiling a book from my correspondence. I often wondered what she was doing in my office. She never did a stroke of work for me. All the time, I have been working for her. "

Spike Milligan

She

Doing

" As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness. "

" I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence. "

" Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. "

" I remember lying out in my bed and looking at the vast, quiet sky. Right up above my head, there were three stars in a row, and I remember thinking, 'Well, I'll have those three stars all my life, and wherever I am, they will be. They are my stars, and they belong to me.' "

Spike Milligan

Stars

Life

" I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. "

" Things began to improve when I went to Rangoon. To begin with, my father was promoted, which meant he was at home more. The matriarchal society was ended, and for the first time, I went to a boys' school. "

" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "

" I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. "

" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "

" And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. "

" My father was a soldier, which meant that he was a warrior, which meant that he was important. My mother rode a horse and sang in the Governor-General's band, so that made her important as well. "

" Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. "

" I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. "

" My parents always threw everything out, gave everything away. I'm surprised they never threw me away. That's why I've always kept my children's things. My parents had no feelings for belongings. "

" Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too. "

" When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. "

" The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it. "

Spike Milligan

Trying

Dinner

" The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.' "

" Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? "

" Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently. "

" I'm a hero with coward's legs. "