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" I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. "

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" Things began to improve when I went to Rangoon. To begin with, my father was promoted, which meant he was at home more. The matriarchal society was ended, and for the first time, I went to a boys' school. "

" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "

" When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. "

" I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. "

" Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. "

" My father being a soldier, every time I saw soldiers marching - 'Well,' I thought, 'my father's that,' and these soldiers were always looking magnificent. And I thought they were powerful; they were all-powerful. I knew that they were an elite in India. "

" I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence. "

" Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too. "

" Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? "

" I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. "

" The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.' "

" I'm a hero with coward's legs. "

" I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships. "

" You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals. "

" Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. "

" We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. "

" My parents always threw everything out, gave everything away. I'm surprised they never threw me away. That's why I've always kept my children's things. My parents had no feelings for belongings. "

" Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. "

" The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it. "

" I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected. "

" For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string. "

" We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. "

" Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently. "

" It was implanted in me that I came from a different class - an elevated class. I was cushioned by servants. I don't remember doing anything for myself. I only played and went to school. "

" My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. "

" May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots. "

" As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness. "

" Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. "

" It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. "