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" It's all in the mind, you know. "
Spike Milligan
Mind
Know
You
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" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "
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Sure
Sit
Funny
" I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. "
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Somebody
Years
Many
" When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. "
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Over
Try
Sadness
" I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships. "
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Like
Let Go
I Am
" Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. "
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Better
Money
Got
" Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? "
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Going
You
Come
" We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. "
Spike Milligan
Thinking
War
Cards
" Things began to improve when I went to Rangoon. To begin with, my father was promoted, which meant he was at home more. The matriarchal society was ended, and for the first time, I went to a boys' school. "
Spike Milligan
School
Father
Home
" Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. "
Spike Milligan
Should
Occasion
Used
" The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it. "
Spike Milligan
Trying
Us
Dinner
" We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. "
Spike Milligan
Road
Temple
Looking
" My parents always threw everything out, gave everything away. I'm surprised they never threw me away. That's why I've always kept my children's things. My parents had no feelings for belongings. "
Spike Milligan
Feelings
Children
Parents
" For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string. "
Spike Milligan
Iron
Foot
Hand
" Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. "
Spike Milligan
More
You
Money
" May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots. "
Spike Milligan
Down
Spain
Socks
" Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like! "
Spike Milligan
Insecurity
Change
Remember
" The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over. "
Spike Milligan
Life
Chance
Planning
" You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals. "
Spike Milligan
Think
People
Animals
" I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. "
Spike Milligan
Look
Race
Treat
" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "
Spike Milligan
Long
Army
Five
" My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic. "
Spike Milligan
Influence
Father
Profound
" One important thing I recall about India was that it was quiet. It was never noisy in the way that life was noisy in London. "
Spike Milligan
Way
Important
India
" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "
Spike Milligan
Speak
Native
I Can
" Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. "
Spike Milligan
Worn
Working
Perfect
" I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. "
Spike Milligan
Dying
Afraid
Want
" Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently. "
Spike Milligan
Standing
Driver
Drive
" I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. "
Spike Milligan
Mine
Why
Thought
" It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't. "
Spike Milligan
He
Perfect
Want
" Thankfully, we didn't stop at Malta. I think Malta was thankful, too. "
Spike Milligan
Stop
Think
Thankful
" The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.' "
Spike Milligan
War
Alone
Beauty