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" I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships. "

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" I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine. "

" The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it. "

" A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree. "

" I'm a hero with coward's legs. "

" I can't stand being late. I try to be professional. I try not to let people down. But people let me down. That's why I don't rely on anyone to call me. That's why I have clocks as well as people. I have to be able to call myself; it's the only way to be sure. "

" My father was a soldier, which meant that he was a warrior, which meant that he was important. My mother rode a horse and sang in the Governor-General's band, so that made her important as well. "

" We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known. "

" I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it. "

" How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven. "

" I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. "

" Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently. "

" I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke. "

" When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry. "

" Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like! "

" As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness. "

" I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens. "

" We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating. "

" I can speak Esperanto like a native. "

" I have resigned from the human race. Look at the way we treat animals. "

" Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order. "

" For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string. "

" I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence. "

" Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy. "

" I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state. "

" Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. "

" My parents always threw everything out, gave everything away. I'm surprised they never threw me away. That's why I've always kept my children's things. My parents had no feelings for belongings. "

" It was implanted in me that I came from a different class - an elevated class. I was cushioned by servants. I don't remember doing anything for myself. I only played and went to school. "

" One important thing I recall about India was that it was quiet. It was never noisy in the way that life was noisy in London. "

" All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. "

" My father being a soldier, every time I saw soldiers marching - 'Well,' I thought, 'my father's that,' and these soldiers were always looking magnificent. And I thought they were powerful; they were all-powerful. I knew that they were an elite in India. "