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" My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. "

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" The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. "

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" You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. "

" My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. "

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" The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience. "

" You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. "

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" Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. "

" Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. "

" My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life. "

" The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. "

" It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. "

" Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. "

" Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. "

" Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. "

" I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right. "

" My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. "