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" Who, other than a crazy person, does anything besides hang up on a robo-call? Any call, any person, anywhere, under any circumstances. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Crazy
Up
Person
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" What would annoy the most people most often? That is the true left-wing test of government intervention. "
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" Even Jimmy Carter can't be wrong all the time. "
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Wrong
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" I don't watch much television. "
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Television
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" Even the most left-wing politicians worship wealth creation - as the political-action-committee collection plate is passed. "
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" Americans are good at pursuing happiness. And the Americans who pursue happiness most diligently show that we're also good at running it down and killing it. "
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Show
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Happiness
" Libertarianism is a way of measuring how the government and other kinds of systems respect the individual. At the core of libertarianism is the idea that the individual is sacrosanct and that anything that's done contrary to the well-being of the individual needs some pretty serious justification. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Serious
Done
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" The bar is set pretty low if you want to be a hip, accessible conservative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bar
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Pretty
" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Others
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" The purpose of sports - even foreign sports - is not to bore people. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Foreign
People
Purpose
" Distracting a politician from governing is like distracting a bear from eating your baby. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Politician
Bear
Baby
" Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. "
P. J. O'Rourke
God
Done
Way
" Some people think that welfare reform should have hurt Bill Clinton with black voters. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Black
Think
Some People
" I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Detail
Always
Think
" Liberals want to live downtown. All over America - in New York, San Francisco, Chicago, Georgetown - there are crowds of liberals living in the gritty, ugly, dirty neighborhoods sensible people are trying to flee. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Live
People
Ugly
" The average IQ in America is - and this can be proven mathematically - average. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Proven
IQ
Average
" People are not ants or bees. We do not reason or love or live or die collectively. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Reason
People
Ants
" Of all the American educational system's problems, none is more severe than the academic year beginning before Labor Day. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Beginning
American
Day
" The real purpose of welfare is to get rid of poor people entirely. Everybody knows welfare has bad effects; that's the point. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Point
Bad
Real
" Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teacher
Punishment
Teachers
" There is no virtue in compulsory government charity, and there is no virtue in advocating it. A politician who portrays himself as 'caring' and 'sensitive' because he wants to expand the government's charitable programs is merely saying that he's willing to try to do good with other people's money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Government
Caring
People
" Our regulatory bodies strive to create honest dealings, fair trades, and a situation in which no one has an advantage over anyone else. But human beings aren't honest. And all trades are made because one person thinks he's getting the better of the other, and the other person thinks the same. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Create
Better
Human
" Everybody with a gun has a checkpoint in Lebanon. And in Lebanon, you'd be crazy not to have a gun. Though, I assure you, all the crazy people have guns, too. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
You
Crazy
" I've never been able to get it straight about what these people who are worried about the trade deficit are worried about. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Never
Trade
People
" To blame the existence of al Qaeda on poverty like Egypt's is a slur on the poor. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Existence
Poverty
Blame
" Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Death
Die
Good
" Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
People
Seat
" There is no 20-year period in American history when stocks lost money. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Money
Lost
Stocks
" The 20th century was a test bed for big ideas - fascism, communism, the atomic bomb. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Test
Ideas
Fascism
" The whole idea of our government is this: If enough people get together and act in concert, they can take something and not pay for it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Together
Enough
People
" I'm not a tech-savvy parent. I communicate with my children via the old-media format called yelling. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Communicate
Children
Parent