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" In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes. "

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" I blame feminism and Facebook for the death of the American automobile. I'm a Republican, so I blame everything on feminism - or commies. "

" The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. "

" I knew Hunter Thompson since the '70s, and I loved him, but he would wear me out as I got older. "

" Raining on parades requires no skill or effort on the part of a politician. "

" Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others. "

" Never be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. "

" Libertarianism is a way of measuring how the government and other kinds of systems respect the individual. At the core of libertarianism is the idea that the individual is sacrosanct and that anything that's done contrary to the well-being of the individual needs some pretty serious justification. "

" My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. "

" We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren't there. "

" Seriousness is stupidity sent to college. "

" The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. "

" Writing is agony. I hate it. "

" A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too. "

" Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. "

" If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions. "

" America gives every appearance of being a nation besotted with trashiness - divorce, illegitimacy, casual Fridays. "

" As a longtime former resident of 15 years in Washington, I wish that everybody would stay off the Mall with their political cause so that we can get out there, you know, and play flag football or Frisbee, or walk the dog or something - you know, which is, you know, what the National Mall should be for, in my personal opinion. "

" Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left. "

" Will Generation X and the Millennials do a better job running the world than the boomers have? Let's hope so. "

" We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. "

" I think it's always easy to be sympathetic to parts of the government in detail; in their concrete manifestations. Because obviously, we don't have government for no reason. "

" Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. "

" Gay marriage acceptance is happening in the blink of an eye. "

" Only a few good leaders have paused to reflect seriously on being leaders. "

" Toledo is better than exciting, it's happy. Because nothing is more conducive to unhappiness than taking yourself seriously, and taking yourself seriously is difficult when you're baseball team is the Mud Hens. "

" It could be that all awful dictators are frustrated artists - Mao with his poetry and Mussolini with his monuments. Stalin was once a journalistic hack, and I can personally testify to how frustrated they are. Pol Pot left a very edgy photo collection behind. And Osama seems quite interested in video. "

" Computers seem a little too adaptively flexible, like the strange natives, odd societies, and head cases we study in the social sciences. There's more opposable thumb in the digital world than I care for; it's awfully close to human. "

" Rahm Emanuel is, we are almost certain, a vampire. "

" Funding for the original manned Voyager Mars Program was scratched in 1968, before humans had gotten out of Low Earth Orbit. Mid-'60s plans for a Venus fly-by with astronauts actually flying by it met the same fate. "

" As murderous industrial magnates go, Alfred Nobel is right up there with Ray Kroc, franchiser of McDonald's. "