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" Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Sense Of Humor
Humor
Exercise
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" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" Maybe the real secret to America's greatness is that we hate one another. "
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" Globalization is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world. "
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" If we were to inspect ourselves or members of our family and our friends, we would see that we don't really have to go all the way overseas to be mystified - we can be mystified right at home. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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Home
" Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living. "
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" Something that confirms all fears and many conspiracy theories about government is finding out what our elected representatives would put into law if they could. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Conspiracy
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Law
" Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Power
Car
Giving
" Soldiers are not policemen, and it's very unfair, even for those soldiers who have some police training, to burden them with police duties. It's not what they're trained for, or equipped for. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Soldiers
Some
Training
" Barack Obama is more irritating than the other nuisances on the Left. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Irritating
Left
More
" In theory, taxes should be like shopping. What I buy is government services. What I pay are my taxes. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Taxes
Government
Like
" The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Cycle
Phases
" Some taxpayers may object to a print journalism bailout on the grounds that it mostly benefits the liberal elite. And we can't blame taxpayers for being reluctant to subsidize the reportorial careers of J-school twerps who should have joined the Peace Corps and gone to Africa to 'speak truth to power' to Robert Mugabe. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Blame
Peace
Truth
" I'm a rather decisive type. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Rather
Type
Decisive
" Global warming is a fact. Now it's up to liberals to make it a reality. Hence there is crucial importance in preventing powerful, greedy free market forces from getting in the way of worsening storms and rising sea levels. The Kyoto Accord is a good first step. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Free
Good
Powerful
" Government is a health hazard. Governments have killed many more people than cigarettes or unbuckled seat belts ever have. "
P. J. O'Rourke
More
People
Seat
" I'm really tired of virtue. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Virtue
Really
Tired
" Fortunately, I'm married to someone who's a pretty excellent parent! "
P. J. O'Rourke
Parent
Someone
Pretty
" Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs is just the thing to make a little tin humanist in the Obama West Wing think he's admiral of the Uzbek Navy. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Navy
Dogs
Home
" No humorist is under any obligation to provide answers and probably if you were to delve into the literary history of humour it's probably all about not providing answers because the humorist essentially says: this is the way things are. "
P. J. O'Rourke
History
You
Way
" The whole melodrama of the Middle East would be improved if amnesia were as common here as it is in melodramatic plots. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Common
Here
Middle
" When I board an airplane these days, all the middle-aged men are dressed like me - when I was an 8-year-old. They're in shorts and T-shirts. And it's not just on airplanes. It's in business offices, teachers' lounges, and churches. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Teachers
Men
Me
" The importance of local governance may not be obvious to an America accustomed to treating city and state downfalls with doses of federal comeuppance. Sometimes there's a reason for that - the Civil War. More often, all reasoning seems absent - No Child Left Behind. "
P. J. O'Rourke
War
America
Child
" There are plenty of problems in the world, and doubtless climate change - or whatever the currently voguish phrase for it all is - certainly is one of them. But it's low on my list. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Problems
Environmental
Change
" Bill Clinton is not a hypocrite. If a man believes that it is just and moral to redistribute wealth, there is nothing hypocritical in his attempts to redistribute some of that wealth to himself. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Nothing
Wealth
Man
" Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Death
Die
Good
" There is no horizon in Toledo. There are too many trees. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Many
Horizon
Trees
" The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Good
You
Rich
" The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gravity
Law
Laws
" I like to have interesting things to write about. And when one says something is 'interesting,' one almost always means 'bad.' "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bad
Like
Interesting
" In Henry Adams, I discovered not only the prototype of the modern thinker but also someone who is more interesting: a viper-toothed, puling, supercilious crank, thwarted in ambition, aging gracelessly, mad at the cosmos, and ashamed of his own jejune ideals. He is nevertheless very dear to me. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Aging
Me
Mad