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" The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. "

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" Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. "

" Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' "

" There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. "

" We are all alike, on the inside. "

" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. "

" I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. "

" We have the best government that money can buy. "

" India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. "

" The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. "

" Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. "

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

" Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. "

" Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. "

" Golf is a good walk spoiled. "

" There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. "

" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "

" Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "

" It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. "

" Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all. "

" Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. "

" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "

" Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. "

" When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. "

" It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it. "