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" Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. "

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" The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. "

" It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. "

" How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. "

" Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. "

" You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. "

" What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. "

" It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. "

" Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. "

" Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. "

" To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. "

" A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. "

" I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. "

" The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. "

" Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. "

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "

" Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. "

" A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. "

" Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. "

" Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. "

" Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. "

" Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. "

" By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. "

" Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. "

" Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. "

" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "

" The secret of getting ahead is getting started. "

Getting Started

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "