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" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

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" Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. "

" To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. "

" My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. "

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. "

" Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. "

" What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. "

" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "

" Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. "

" I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. "

" There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. "

" A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. "

" Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. "

" Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. "

" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "

" Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. "

" Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. "

" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "

" Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. "

" If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. "

" Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. "

" Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "