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" Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all. "

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" Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. "

" Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation. "

" Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean. "

" Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. "

" When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "

" Buy land, they're not making it anymore. "

" Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. "

" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "

" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "

" What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. "

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "

" Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' "

" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" When in doubt tell the truth. "

" The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. "

" Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. "

" Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. "

Do The Right Thing

" The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. "

" The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.' "

" Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. "

" I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. "

" If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. "

" I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. "

" Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. "

" If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. "