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" We are all alike, on the inside. "

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" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. "

" There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. "

" Better a broken promise than none at all. "

" It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. "

" A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. "

" There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. "

" The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "

" Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. "

" Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "

" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. "

" I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. "

" Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. "

" Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. "

" Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. "

" I can live for two months on a good compliment. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. "

" Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. "

" A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. "

" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. "

" Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. "

" I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "