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" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "

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" Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. "

" There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. "

" The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. "

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "

" Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. "

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. "

" Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. "

" Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "

" A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. "

" Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. "

" When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. "

" How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. "

" The lack of money is the root of all evil. "

" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "

" All right, then, I'll go to hell. "

" It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. "

" The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. "

" Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. "

" Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. "

" Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. "

" The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. "

" Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. "

" It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. "

" There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. "