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" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

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" The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. "

" I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. "

" My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. "

" I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. "

" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "

" We are all alike, on the inside. "

" Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. "

" The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. "

" Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. "

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

" The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.' "

" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. "

" Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. "

" It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races. "

" India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire. "

" I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. "

" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "

" Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. "

" The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. "

" Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. "

" Golf is a good walk spoiled. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" Buy land, they're not making it anymore. "

" The secret of getting ahead is getting started. "

Getting Started

" It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. "

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

" God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. "