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" The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. "

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" Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. "

" Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. "

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" I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. "

" The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. "

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" Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. "

" Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. "

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" A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "

" Too clever is dumb. "

" Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. "

" Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money? "

" I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. "

" One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. "

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" The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. "

" There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. "

" I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. "

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" The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk. "