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All Quotes by author - Ogden Nash
" A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "
Side
Wrong
Door
" A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. "
Children
Animal
Family
" Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. "
Liquor
Quicker
Candy
" Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money? "
Try
Money
Funny
" Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. "
Were
Ignore
Parents
" Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you. "
Know
Voters
You
" Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? "
Simply
Late
You
" Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. "
One Thing
Exclusive
Most
" Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? "
New
Long
Direct
" Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. "
Every
Having
Itch
" I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine. "
Great
Saint
Valentine
" I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. "
Right
News
Never
" If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. "
You
Earn
Enough
" I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. "
Man
Idea
Sex
" I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. "
Juice
Mothers
Hope
" I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. "
I Think
Think
Stop
" I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. "
Think
Fall
Lovely
" I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. "
Live
Rather
My Life
" Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. "
Life
Man
Been
" Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. "
Two
Never
Marriage
" Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. "
Night
Hope
Home
" Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. "
Meet
Age
People
" No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done. "
Fun
Done
Never
" Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. "
Naive
Children
Oh
" One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. "
Remorse
Man
Another
" Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. "
Parenting
Parents
Children
" People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. "
Want
Telling
Really
" People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. "
Work
Standing
People
" Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs. "
Men
Whatever
Professional
" Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. "
Funny
Progress
Long
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