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" Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. "
Ogden Nash
Naive
Children
Oh
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" Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you. "
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Know
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You
" To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. "
Ogden Nash
Admit
Love
Loving
" I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. "
Ogden Nash
Juice
Mothers
Hope
" Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. "
Ogden Nash
Two
Never
Marriage
" A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. "
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Children
Animal
Family
" The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. "
Ogden Nash
Early
Bed
Morning
" Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. "
Ogden Nash
Were
Ignore
Parents
" Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. "
Ogden Nash
Meet
Age
People
" A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "
Ogden Nash
Side
Wrong
Door
" I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. "
Ogden Nash
Think
Fall
Lovely
" The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. "
Ogden Nash
People
Who
Only
" Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. "
Ogden Nash
Life
Man
Been
" I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine. "
Ogden Nash
Great
Saint
Valentine
" Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. "
Ogden Nash
Parenting
Parents
Children
" Women would rather be right than reasonable. "
Ogden Nash
Reasonable
Women
Rather
" No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done. "
Ogden Nash
Fun
Done
Never
" One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. "
Ogden Nash
Remorse
Man
Another
" Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. "
Ogden Nash
Mind
Remorse
Violent
" Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. "
Ogden Nash
Liquor
Quicker
Candy
" The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk. "
Ogden Nash
Other
Cow
End
" Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. "
Ogden Nash
Night
Hope
Home
" If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. "
Ogden Nash
You
Earn
Enough
" I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. "
Ogden Nash
Right
News
Never
" Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? "
Ogden Nash
New
Long
Direct
" The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. "
Ogden Nash
Kitten
Cat
Eventually
" Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? "
Ogden Nash
Simply
Late
You
" I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. "
Ogden Nash
Live
Rather
My Life
" Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs. "
Ogden Nash
Men
Whatever
Professional
" People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. "
Ogden Nash
Want
Telling
Really
" Too clever is dumb. "
Ogden Nash
Too
Clever
Dumb