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" Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? "
Ogden Nash
New
Long
Direct
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" Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. "
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" People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. "
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" Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. "
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" Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money? "
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" No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done. "
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" I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. "
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" Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. "
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" Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. "
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" Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. "
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" There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. "
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" Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. "
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" I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. "
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" I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. "
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" Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them. "
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" Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. "
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" One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence. "
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" Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. "
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" If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. "
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" I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it. "
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" Too clever is dumb. "
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" A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. "
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" Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. "
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" To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. "
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" The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. "
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" The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. "
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Cat
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" Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for. "
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Were
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Parents
" A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "
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Door
" Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early? "
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" I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. "
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