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" There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins. "

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" There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. "

" It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so. "

" Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take. "

" The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust. "

" You’d better not know so much, than to know so many things that ain’t so. "

" There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness. "

" Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place. "

" The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travellers pay the expense of it. "

" I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money. "

" There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't. "

" Man was created a little lower than the angels and has been getting a little lower ever since. "

" There is no greater evidence of superior intelligence than to be surprised at nothing. "

" There are people who are always anticipating trouble, and in this way they manage to enjoy many sorrows that never really happen to them. "

" It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash. "

" Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. "

" There's a lot of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it. "

" There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply. "

" Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. "

" Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. "

" It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money. "

" A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. "

" If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. "

" It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too. "

" Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. "

" To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. "

" Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors. "

" The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear. "

" The trouble with people is not that they don't know but that they know so much that ain't so. "

" One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness. "

" Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got. "