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" We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. "

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" A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. "

" I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of Zelda' at the time, and it was addicting, and I was playing it for hours and hours and hours. "

" I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people. "

" Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah. "

" No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. "

Change The World

" Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work! "

" I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out. "

" Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!' "

" The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke, that you don't really have it. You've lost the muse or - the worst dread - you never had it at all. I went through all that madness early on. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing. "

" A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. "

" In 'The Secret Agent,' it's basically a character that was admired by Theodore Kaczynski, which is some fan mail you don't really want to open. This is a man who is a chemist and who specializes in making bombs and despises humanity. "

" Cricket is basically baseball on valium. "

" I love kids, but they are a tough audience. "

" I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done. "

" The idea of Juilliard was that it would give you this toolbox full of skills that you could take with you and apply to anything. "

" My mother's idea of natural childbirth was giving birth without makeup. She was hyper-positive - the world is a wonderful place, rainbows and unicorns. If you said anything contrary to her, you were basically exiled. "

" There's a show in America where all these people compete with ferrets, and they don't even do anything. They basically just hold them up, and if they don't bite you, they might win. "

" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "

" People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. "

" I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone. "

" I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, 'My boy's got learnin'!' "

" Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party. "

" What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong. "

" I enjoy performing for heavily armed people. It's easier than going to Georgia. "

" Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something that was worth it. "

" With film roles, it just has to be a character either I haven't done before, or a role with somebody really interesting or with an interesting person or group of people. "

" I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. "

" When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? "