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" I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, 'My boy's got learnin'!' "

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" I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person. "

" People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. "

" I think it's great when stories are dark and strange and weirdly personal. "

" For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see. "

" The idea of Juilliard was that it would give you this toolbox full of skills that you could take with you and apply to anything. "

" We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins. "

" You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous. "

" When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?' "

" A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys. "

" No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world. "

Change The World

" I've never been asked to appear on 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!,' so I guess I mustn't be on the professional skids just yet. "

" Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started. "

" I only ever play Vegas one night at a time. It's a hideous, gaudy place; it may not be the end of the world per se, but you can certainly see it from there. "

" You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. "

" I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice. "

" Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly. "

" Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? "

" The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev. "

" I have a difficult time doing an Irish accent; even now, it kind of fades slowly into Scottish. "

" Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing. "

" When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family? "

" In 'The Secret Agent,' it's basically a character that was admired by Theodore Kaczynski, which is some fan mail you don't really want to open. This is a man who is a chemist and who specializes in making bombs and despises humanity. "

" I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done. "

" I loved running, but all of a sudden everything hurt so much. I started cycling when Zelda was born. "

" I think 'Dead Poets' was probably my favorite, just to get started with the idea of doing a movie that people treated as more than a movie. "

" The improv, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running. "

" I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance. "

" I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of Zelda' at the time, and it was addicting, and I was playing it for hours and hours and hours. "

" Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "