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" What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. "

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" The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. "

" We have the best government that money can buy. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "

" It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. "

" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "

" Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. "

Do The Right Thing

" God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. "

" It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. "

" I never let schooling interfere with my education. "

" If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. "

" The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all. "

" Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. "

" Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. "

" The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. "

" It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. "

" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. "

" Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "

" All emotion is involuntary when genuine. "

" Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. "

" The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. "

" Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' "

" It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it. "

" Under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "