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" It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. "

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" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. "

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. "

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

" One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. "

" Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. "

" The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. "

" The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. "

" The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter - 'tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning. "

" Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. "

" The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. "

" Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. "

" Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. "

" I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "

" As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. "

" It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. "

" Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. "

" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "

" All emotion is involuntary when genuine. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "

" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. "

" Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. "

" Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. "

" A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. "

" Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. "

" Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late. "