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" No, you never get any fun out of the things you haven't done. "
Ogden Nash
Fun
Done
Never
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" A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "
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" I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine. "
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" If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work. "
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" Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind. "
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" I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. "
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" Too clever is dumb. "
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" People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it. "
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" Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs. "
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" Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive. "
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" I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. "
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" A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. "
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" Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. "
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" Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor. "
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Life
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" To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up. "
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Admit
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" I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. "
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Think
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" The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin. "
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Only
" The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. "
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Control
Most
Happiness
" Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money? "
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Try
Money
Funny
" Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. "
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Parenting
Parents
Children
" I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance. "
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Live
Rather
My Life
" Women would rather be right than reasonable. "
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Reasonable
Women
Rather
" Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. "
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Every
Having
Itch
" The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. "
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Kitten
Cat
Eventually
" Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals? "
Ogden Nash
New
Long
Direct
" Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is. "
Ogden Nash
One Thing
Exclusive
Most
" Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. "
Ogden Nash
Liquor
Quicker
Candy
" I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm. "
Ogden Nash
Man
Idea
Sex
" Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long. "
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Funny
Progress
Long
" Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them. "
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None
Some
Fun
" The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk. "
Ogden Nash
Other
Cow
End