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" A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. "

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" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" My worlds collide. When one things happens, it just starts a domino effect - everything else goes on. "

" I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody. "

" I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up. "

" But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that. "

" It wasn't until after the reduction that in the lab work, the pathology, that they found that I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my left breast. I was very, very lucky because DCIS is basically stage-zero cancer. So I was very lucky. "

" I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. "

" People are getting careers from YouTube and uploading videos. And they're totally different - you can't necessarily be funny on a video, and then all of a sudden you're live in a theater. You don't have the tools yet. It's a lot more involved to go from being funny on a little iPhone screen to being live in front of people and being funny. "

" I couldn't believe that Donald Trump won. I couldn't believe that we elected an orangutan to front the country. "

" I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me. "

" There's obviously a group who enjoys what Tyler Perry is putting out there. And why fault them? And there's a group that loves the things that Spike does. So they should enjoy that, too. Is it my taste? Maybe not, but I'm not going to fault anybody for doing what they're doing as long as people are showing up. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do. "

" Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

" I tried theatre. I played Miss Hannigan for a short run of Annie at a regional theatre. That was fun. I enjoyed it! I enjoy theatre and have so much respect for theatre actors. "

" Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it. "

" I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored. "

" To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat. "

" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real. "

" I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary. "

" I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me. "

" I have a lot of breast cancer history on my mother's side of the family. "

" Men don't hear women. "

" In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression. "

" I don't like doing the same material over and over again. It's not fun. "