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" Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal. "

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" I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys. "

" I tried snowboarding, and that scared the hell out of me. "

" I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place. "

" My shows and my material are grounded in reality. It's pretty much something that's either happened in my life or in the news, and I start there and give you my take on it. "

" If a topic hits me, I'll start going on it. But you can't force it. "

" When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots. "

" To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" I have to be socially aware; I feel like that's my job. "

" It wasn't until after the reduction that in the lab work, the pathology, that they found that I had DCIS (ductal carcinoma in situ) in my left breast. I was very, very lucky because DCIS is basically stage-zero cancer. So I was very lucky. "

" Usually, there's nothing being thrown toward the stage or at me. Then I feel pretty good about it. "

" I'm here today because I hated everything else. "

" I had breast cancer. Yeah, I know it's scary. "

" But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking. "

" In '87, I used to do this awful, awful James Brown impression. "

" I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real. "

" I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance. "

" If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too. "

" It's easier to rip somebody to shreds while you're making them laugh. "

" Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire. "

" Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do. "

" I'm a stand-up comic. I'm always doing dates; it's just that, if I'm working on a project or I'm busy, I can't get out on the road or book any shows. Since the beginning of my career, I'm usually out for at least 10-15 dates throughout the year. If I have time, then I try to get at least 30-40 dates. "

" My wife asked me if I ever thought I would ever retire from stand-up. And I thought about it, and I was like, 'No, because it's my job; it's what I do, and I enjoy it.' It's still the most challenging thing for me to do. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" I think sometimes celebrities can hurt a candidate. You don't want people to judge them on your last project. "

" I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product. "

" What drives the creative person is that we see it all. "

" I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom. "

" I knew I was outspoken when I was a kid because, whenever my parents had company coming over, they would pay me to leave. 'Go see your grandmother. Get out of here.' That was my first paying gig. "

" Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going. "