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" And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike. "

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" I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance. "

" I'm a stand-up comic. I'm always doing dates; it's just that, if I'm working on a project or I'm busy, I can't get out on the road or book any shows. Since the beginning of my career, I'm usually out for at least 10-15 dates throughout the year. If I have time, then I try to get at least 30-40 dates. "

" Stand-up, by far, is my favorite. "

" The first time onstage, a light went on. 'OK, this is my thing. I'm comfortable here. This is my thing.' "

" I have problems with YouTube and things like that, when you catch it mid production. If I'm doing a show and I'm working on a bit and someone's there with a phone, they record it and put it online - it's not the finished product. "

" It's not until you develop your own voice, your own persona onstage that you become your own comic, who you really are. "

" I work hard. The staff and crew see how much energy I put into this project, and it makes them step up. "

" There's so many good comedians in D.C. I started hanging out with those guys. Dave Chappelle was there. Actually, Dave was too young to be in the clubs, so when his mom couldn't make it, he would ask me to pretend I was his aunt, so he could do open mike. "

" I remember, when I was a kid, my summers were pretty much running around, riding your bike, and then complaining about you were bored. "

" To me, in life, if there's, like, a rule, and I think it's ridiculous, then of course I'll circumvent that but also point out how ridiculous the rule is. Other than that, if I go to a concert, and my seat is Row G, Seat 12, I'm sitting in Row G, Seat 12. I don't care if I'm with five other friends, I'm supposed to be in Seat 12, that's my seat. "

" When I'm not on T.V. or working on a movie, I'm on the road doing stand-up. That's my roots. "

" My shows and my material are grounded in reality. It's pretty much something that's either happened in my life or in the news, and I start there and give you my take on it. "

" But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking. "

" I don't understand why people really get upset about something that doesn't affect them at all. "

" I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business. "

" Men don't hear women. "

" In this business, you get an opportunity, and you pounce on it. "

" I'm always thinking of stuff; I just don't sit down and write it. I come up with material more as I go along; if something funny happens, I'll make a note of it on my phone. "

" I'm a huge Sia fan. I love Sia, I have just about all of her stuff. "

" I watch Jay. I watch 'Letterman'. I flip back and forth between 'Conan' and 'Letterman', especially the top of the show for those guys. "

" I have a very diverse crowd from old, young, black, white, straight, gay. It's a little bit of everybody. "

" I had real big boobs, and I just got tired of knocking over stuff. Every time I eat, 'Oh, Lord'. I'd carry a Tide stick everywhere I go. My back was sore, so it was time to have a reduction. "

" I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy. "

" I worked with people like Edward Snowden. Well, not people who took stuff home. "

" I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm. "

" I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me. "

" I like doing a bunch of different things, being all over the place. "

" I'm here today because I hated everything else. "

" If I did a talk show, this would allow me to speak on what's happening at that moment. I can be current, and I get to flex my stand-up muscle but stay at home without doing the traveling. "

" It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians. "