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" As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit. "

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" My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular. "

" With music, you're laying it all out there. They're judging you right away, and you can lose them quick. With the comedy, you've always got another joke to redeem yourself. Or, even if you've only got one joke, at least the punch line is at the end. Then they have to at least pay attention until the end. "

" I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends. "

" I was 5-foot-8 when I graduated high school, but then I shot up to 6-foot-4 and got more into playing basketball. "

" I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper. "

" I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them. "

" When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while. "

" I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people. "

" I think having a child makes you calm down. You sit still. "

" I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version. "

" I've done this commercial with Arnold Palmer. He doesn't play that much anymore, but it'd be fun to have him in the cart. "

" When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood. "

" The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day. "

" Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes. "

" I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club. "

" I like YouTube; it's really entertaining. A lot of it is crappy stuff, but there are a couple diamonds in the rough there. "

" It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you. "

" Every time I think of Doug Wilson, I think 'pathetic.' When it comes between something for himself or something for righteousness, he'll choose himself. "

" I've been involved in animal issues for quite a while, going back 24 years. I started reading up on factory farming and slaughterhouses and animal cruelty, and it didn't make sense for me to be part of it. "

" I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals. "

" A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' "

" All I ever wanted to do was stand-up. It kind of charges me and gives me a rush. "

" Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want. "

" My adrenaline is definitely going, but it's mostly my real, laid-back persona carrying over on stage. When I first started, I was nervous, I'd be really high energy, and I'd be sweating. Now it's just my job. It's like a machinist who goes to work every day and uses the same drill bits. He's not worried about taking his finger off. "

" When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together. "

" I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere. "

" I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor. "

" A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material. "

" I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me. "

" I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past. "