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All Quotes by author - Kevin Nealon

" All I ever wanted to do was stand-up. It kind of charges me and gives me a rush. "

" A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers. "

" A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages. "

" Any day that is designated to shower the person you love with love is my favorite holiday. "

" As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit. "

" A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material. "

" As you get older, subconsciously you start thinking about mortality and protecting your offspring. It opens up a whole new avenue of life experiences. "

" A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' "

" Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. "

" Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses. "

" Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them. "

" Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want. "

" Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness. "

" Every time I think of Doug Wilson, I think 'pathetic.' When it comes between something for himself or something for righteousness, he'll choose himself. "

" I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor. "

" I am very romantic. In fact, I just renewed my vows... although it was with another woman. "

" I am whelmed, and not overly whelmed, just whelmed about a lot of facets in life - just how fragile life is and the different challenges you have in life, phobias about things. "

" I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals. "

" I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them. "

" I don't feel the pressure and stress of having to be a comic in a club every night. I accomplished a lot of things; I did lot of things, and I don't feel like I'm missing out when I am home with my son. "

" I feel guilty: when I'm not golfing, I feel like I should be golfing. And when I'm golfing, I feel like I should be home working or spending time with the family. So it's a real conundrum. "

" If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit. "

" If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said. "

" I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere. "

" I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another. "

" I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push. "

" I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people. "

" I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper. "

" I like YouTube; it's really entertaining. A lot of it is crappy stuff, but there are a couple diamonds in the rough there. "

" I lived in Germany from when I was 6 until I was 10, so, of course, I played soccer. When I came back to the States, nobody played soccer, and none of the schools taught German, so I couldn't continue to excel in those categories. "

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