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" I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me. "

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" What happened was, I always wanted to be a singer/songwriter kind of guy like a James Taylor or Crosby, Stills and Nash type of thing; I went to a lot of coffee houses and used to watch all those guys, but I never had the nerve to get up and do it because singing seems so personal and intimate to me. It was too revealing. "

" Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them. "

" I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor. "

" I grew up watching stand-ups and thought it was so entertaining and unique - you didn't see that as a job description anywhere. "

" When you discover that you are going to have a child, it stirs up memories of your own childhood. "

" I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them. "

" My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular. "

" If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit. "

" I became a vegetarian after I became aware of factory farming and slaughterhouses and the torture and inhumane handling of all these animals. "

" Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. "

" I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people. "

" It's kind of fun when you're playing characters that aren't quite on the up and up and people still like you. "

" I am very romantic. In fact, I just renewed my vows... although it was with another woman. "

" You don't want to throw out a good idea and have nobody get excited about it. It takes the wind out of your sails. "

" I really like to read when I'm eating - 'The New York Times' or the 'Wall Street Journal,' paper version. "

" When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you? "

" People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing, but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' "

" The funny thing about commercials to me is that many of them now don't even mention the product until the very end. You don't really know what the commercial is all about. They're kind of like little movies, like shorts, and that's why I think they're so entertaining. "

" Sometimes people come to my standup show, and they think they're going to see Doug Wilson. Or they see me on the street, and they call me Doug Wilson. "

" I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor. "

" It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! "

" I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there. "

" I used to go to the Hollywood YMCA when I first came here, and I was standing in front of the mirror doing curls, and I noticed this guy next to me also doing curls. He was grimacing a lot, and I noticed he had an underbite. I looked more closely and realized it was Bruce Springsteen. "

" Curb Your Enthusiasm, is not so much about Hollywood. It's more about Larry's weaknesses. "

" When I first began doing TV pilots, my expectations were high. I didn't understand that world. So when 'Weeds' took off, I was so happy. Especially as I was just a guest star in the pilot. But once it got picked up, they made me a regular cast member. "

" Any day that is designated to shower the person you love with love is my favorite holiday. "

" I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper. "

" I lived in Germany from when I was 6 until I was 10, so, of course, I played soccer. When I came back to the States, nobody played soccer, and none of the schools taught German, so I couldn't continue to excel in those categories. "

" I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push. "

" Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled. "