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" When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together. "

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" You see things through a different lens when you have a child. "

" I met Adam Sandler through 'Saturday Night Live,' and we became friends. "

" Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone. "

" If people can't deal with their problems, they numb themselves a little bit. "

" I've been involved in animal issues for quite a while, going back 24 years. I started reading up on factory farming and slaughterhouses and animal cruelty, and it didn't make sense for me to be part of it. "

" I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past. "

" Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them. "

" When I would see my friends with their kids, I was envious that you can use children to get out of just about anything. If you don't feel like going to a dinner party, you could say, 'My kid's sick. I can't make it.' Who's gonna argue with you? "

" When a show has been on for so long, you lose fans, you gain fans. I remember this from 'Saturday Night Live.' "

" I have a wandering eye and a lazy eye so they cancel each other out. It's a push. "

" When I was very young, I didn't really write my own material. I just memorized other peoples' jokes. Established comics, like Stanley Myron Handelman and people like that. And then, for every comic, you develop your own style after a while. "

" With music, you're laying it all out there. They're judging you right away, and you can lose them quick. With the comedy, you've always got another joke to redeem yourself. Or, even if you've only got one joke, at least the punch line is at the end. Then they have to at least pay attention until the end. "

" I always tell people if you think you are susceptible to a blood clot, go check with your doctor. "

" A special validates you as a stand-up by documenting your material. "

" A novel is too much of a commitment. I tend to peruse Twitter - I check to see if I had any mentions and read the latest messages. "

" It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! "

" Basically, I'm a people pleaser who has a knack for disappointing. "

" As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit. "

" Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness. "

" I am very romantic. In fact, I just renewed my vows... although it was with another woman. "

" It was football I enjoyed most. When I moved to L.A. to become a stand-up comedian, I thought it might be a good comedy hook to also be the punter for USFL club The L.A. Express, so I started practicing for the tryouts. Luckily, my stand-up took off, and I didn't need to do it. "

" I'm a member of the Studio City Driving Range. They have a nice little par-3 AstroTurf course and driving range. You know, I don't belong to a course because I don't golf that much, so it's not worth it for me to join a club. "

" I think having a child makes you calm down. You sit still. "

" I'm Kevin Nealon, and that's news to me. "

" I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them. "

" People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing, but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!' "

" The thing is when I started doing standup, you had to have a clean act because that's how you got on television. There weren't all these cable shows. Also, I didn't want to have that kind of act in case my family came to see me or my kid one day. "

" I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time. "

" I feel guilty: when I'm not golfing, I feel like I should be golfing. And when I'm golfing, I feel like I should be home working or spending time with the family. So it's a real conundrum. "