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" Attending a Sarah Palin rally was simultaneously one of the strangest and most chilling events of my life. "

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" When you're dealing with serious subjects, there is a pressure to be absolutely sure that you know what you're doing. "

" My family is from Liverpool, so I have some of those vowel sounds, I've got the slack tone of someone from Birmingham, and then I was raised in Bedford, which is just north of London. So my accent, if it's possible, makes even less sense to a Brit than to an American. "

" There's never any time I think I'm a real journalist, because I don't have any of the qualifications or the intentions for that. "

" Politics has become infused with narcissism in America. "

" Southern people are bigger-hearted and kinder than I had any right to expect. "

" I know I'd be an absolutely horrendous politician. "

" I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen. "

" I feel non-stop Brit shame! "

" It really helps a comedian to be an outsider. "

" Stand-up, for me, is really more of an addiction, so you have to feed the beast whenever you can. "

" There are so many low points with stand-up. You are perpetually humiliated, so it doesn't really matter anymore. I don't have any dignity left to lose. An audience can't hurt you anymore when you've been completely dismantled. "

" The only thing I'm nervous about is talking to guests like human beings, because all of my interviews so far have been attacking people. I have a genuine concern about sitting across from an actor whose movies I obviously haven't seen. "

" I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything. "

" I watch one news channel until my soul can't take it anymore. It's the background of my life. "

" You don't really know when stand-up material is TV ready; it's just at what point you're willing to let it go and not work on it anymore. I'm not sure there is a point at which you think: 'And that is finished.' "

" It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. "

" I find it hard in my general life to think further than the week ahead. "

" Stand-up comedy seems like a terrifying thing. Objectively. Before anyone has done it, it seems like one of the most frightening things you could conceive, and there's just no shortcut - you just have to do it. "

" We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it. "

" You have to do stand-up quite a long time before you learn how to do it well. It was probably years before I was confident enough in stand-up that I was able to talk about the things I wanted to talk about, the way I wanted to talk about them. "

" Sometimes it's good to remember how bad food can be, so you can enjoy the concept of flavour to the fullest. "

" I can't relax. I find vacations problematic. "

" People, I guess, generally come to see me do stand-up with a working knowledge of my broad sense of humor on 'The Daily Show'... I don't think anyone would mistake me as an actual anchor. "

" The British media is sinking down, as the American news media has lowered the bar for all of humanity. British news media is definitely trying to stoop down to that level. Everyone is stooping to the lowest common denominator. "

" My first 'Daily Show' piece was pretending I had this terrible immigrant journey, so I went to talk to an immigration lawyer who would help out people, and I ran into him in Penn Station about three months after I'd gotten the green card. I said, 'I got my green card yesterday.' And he hugged me because he understood that level of relief. "

" I have occasionally - if ever I do interviews that are difficult or nerve-wracking - I take my wife's dog tags and have them in my pocket because it's a very quick way to realize that what I'm doing is not that important. It's not really worth getting stressed about because it's not, you know, war. "

" There is so much cross-pollination between the U.S. and Britain in terms of comedians. British TV comedies work well in the U.S. American stand-ups make it big in Britain. "

" Having a human conversation is not something I've had any training in either as a comedian or as, you know, a human being. "

" I would hate to meet myself at 15. "

" I would much rather America was a more stable, wonderful place. You know, I love it. "